One day, I received a letter on VKontakte from a girl I didn't know. She turned out to be a journalist and asked for permission to write an article about me and Shiloh. She asked various questions, was curious, and most importantly, wanted to learn about "Banks' Life Rules."
So, "Banks' Life Rules." I think a lot could be included here. I'll try to list the main points. But to talk about this, we first need to define the concepts. What is life? Being a believer, I can say that Life is God, the Beginningless and Endless. Our life, the life of any person, is an act of love that called us out of non-existence into being. Regardless of whether a person believes in God or not, his life is a divine gift, and the foundation of this life is Love. Love is the answer to the search for the meaning of life, it's the path to the union of seemingly very different dissimilar people, it's the scales of our "value," the measure of our humanity.
Personally, I find it very important to search for answers to the most important questions, such as: why do I live? What is truth? And so on. When there are no answers to these questions, there's no point in looking for others. It's like building a house without a foundation; eventually, everything will suddenly collapse. Indeed, the search for these answers can be lifelong...
In family life, I also consider it very important to have unity in vital questions. When I met Shiloh, we talked about a lot – about faith, children, difficulties, money, work – about everything that makes up our life. I felt very comfortable and natural with him. I was not as open with any friend or even relatives as I was with him. It's really amazing that a person of another nationality, from another continent, can be so close. We joked that we must be twins separated at birth.
So, if we talk about rules, rule №1: remember that life cannot be confined within the framework of our flawed perception of it. No amount of experience and books read is sufficient to claim this is how it is, or: this doesn't happen.
We often don't realize how we make conclusions about someone or something due to stereotypes imposed on us. For example, a man only needs a 90x60x90, they're incapable of fidelity and care, etc. Women need rich men, money is the number one importance in life, spiritual values interest no one, and much more.
Life needs to be known with all sincerity and openness, then it will reveal itself in its fullness and beauty.
Rule №2. Love is not only a gift, it is also mutual and constant effort. The desire to know each other, to understand each other, to resolve conflicts, to learn to bring joy, etc.
Regarding cultural differences, they exist, but these differences are not so great as to hinder life together; on the contrary, they broaden personal horizons and teach us to see things anew.
Rule №3. We need to realize that we (husband and wife) are different and tenderly learn to understand and respect this difference, individual and psychological characteristics. But at the same time, we are infinitely connected, united.
To describe this invisible connection a bit, let me give an example. A few months after I returned home from the hospital (I had a severe surgery in the fifth month of pregnancy, we lost the baby…), one day, or rather night, we went to bed. I should digress here.
Shiloh sleeps very soundly. So, that at first, I was often surprised, sometimes annoyed, or laughed - how can someone sleep like that! He can't be woken up, and if I managed to wake him up - he started to say something and even got up - it doesn't at all mean that he woke up!
So, we went to bed, and he fell asleep first. And I lay there for a long time, thinking. About many things. About what happened in the hospital. About the loss... I started to cry. He couldn't see it because he was lying, hugging me from behind. And he couldn't hear it, there were no sobs. And after all, he was asleep! But then suddenly he started to stroke me and, patting, said: "It's ok baby... Everything will be ok... My precious baby girl..." He said this in his sleep.
I think, with these three "rules" listed, of course, what can be attributed to our worldview, worldview, is not limited, but it's precisely about this that I wanted to say first.